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Current Music:Richard Dawkins’ Speech at the 2009 American Atheists Convention
Current Location:Futureland, Everything.
Time:12:23 pm
Current Mood:indescribablequite.
So. . . what if I just believed in energy? I don't believe in god/s, but I use energy and have plenty of it, and I know I can tap into a higher energy out of nowhere. Believing in some overhead power doesn't make sense. It hurts a little, breaking that little tie, but I just don't believe in that aspect of life. Life just is, and energy is life. Yeah, that makes sense. hmm, figured it out? We'll see.
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Current Music:No idea what this is.
Current Location:Futureland Bus Depot, Ne
Subject:Mashing the potatoes.
Time:09:54 am
Current Mood:apatheticmoooove over, Red Rover.
Soooo, I'm singing with my mom's church choir for Easter. ["Hey! Welcome back!" "I'm not back!"] I've been pulled into these crazy arguments over who's right in the god world. Geez, how the hell should I know what's going on when I'll be dead in a number of years? I throw it [conversation] on the ground and go home to bed. Confirmation comes up, Bishop talks to kids about building an army for the future to basically talk people into becoming more like Catholics.

Yesterday was my last day at Lancaster County Court, again. *rolls eyes* Yeah, weirdness. But no cake this time! xD Last day, I talk about this Bishop and his plans for religious world domincation and the Lutheran speaks up, "That's right! We are building an army cause this is all there is! We need as many people on our side, loving Jesus! etc. . . " CRAZY TALK! That's worse than the crap I talk about. So we have people who love Jesus and are going to Heaven, Atheists who [sometimes] leave everyone the hell alone, and the Witnesses, who don't know what the hell they're talking about. I leave the Wiccans and Mediums outta this.

I'm leaving the Presbyterians alone [outta as well] because I've been around them to know they're not hurting anyone I know. I leave the vague Christians outta this because they're sensible. Believe in God and he loves you, and won't make you recruit for some army. People recruit armies in god's name and fight over it all, but it's all in the name of fear. ["But God IS Fear." "No, God is Love." And still everyone fights.] There you go, that's all I need. I don't need God to punish me if he loves me. That's why I have parents. xD Thank you to the Outta Groups. ^_~.

This Lutheran woman felt sooo righteous that she yelled at me about how if I didn't believe in the Jesus she knew, I was going to hell. She also said there was nothing after this life. According to their religion, if you don't believe in Jesus and he shows up, he'll cast you down into something fiery if you don't love him. Umm, it sounds a little too archaic for my likes. Love me or I'll kill you. And, no, my mom has nothing to do with this.

Catholics are a little sugary for this. Love me and I'll let you worship my dad for the rest of eternity and hang with my mom. Doubt I exist and I'll let you hang out with the others who don't like me. The unpopular group. blah blah.

Some atheists are pretty nasty. They called my paranormal beliefs ignorance and told me I was an idiot for believing in anything so stupid. I have no idea what their plans were. Ask for proof, get an answer they don't like, bash everything but the answer. I'm sorry, but that's not how I roll. Messsage: If someone asks for proof, and they have no proof of their own, turn around and walk away. [but if you've gotten this far in my blog and still aren't jittery, do continue. ^_^]

What a joy it would be to get to the end of the world and find out that NO ONE was right. Not even me. Disappointment, if there was a time to think afterwards. I'd take joy in finding out there's something wrong in the afterlife. Humans are scared beings. A Philosopher [I only remember the phrase I dumbed down for someone else] said, "Man is always looking for an escape." Life is hard, religion makes things bearable. Too much religion can be bad for a person. If they fear someone they might meet who will give them the ultimate spanking if they do something wrong, maybe they'll remember not to pour gallons of sodium nitrate into some enemy's home.

It wouldn't be fair to forget the perks of religion, though. Togetherness, love, hope, faithfulness, eternal youth in the afterlife. Peace of mind that if you do well and live a life of love and never do anything wrong, you will be rewarded. I love that last part. I can deal with being nice and being rewarded for it. But complete obedience never suited me. Already I find myself regretting things I've never dared venture into because of moral values and holding myself back. Those things will weigh down on me until I finally go through with whatever it is I wanted to try.

Part of me is scared of never coming back after death, but I know I've a few more lifetimes to figure stuff out. Regret has a play in the life I lead--as many times as it takes, I suppose.

To top it off, I've got religious corners up to yin-yang. Thank you to my dear friend Lori, who knows I'm not someone who can be converted. ^_^ Either that or she doesn't think I can cut it. Ha Ha! she'd be so right. xD I'm terrible at following faith and she can be so understanding.

The world's going to be in trouble one day [seriously, it could be worse], and I'll not be a direct part of the reason something went down. Right now, we might be facing hard times, crime and death in the streets, unmotivated murder and maiming. I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed over the notion that I could go and hide in my educational institute [no offense to those in college, really. Please don't take it personally, these are just thoughts in my head] and store myself away from the rest of the world, but I'm seeing too many things going on out here. People might actually need me more here than in school at this time. I've talked with so many people, understood their fears and pain, not trying to hide from the Boogeyman.

Is that what everything comes down to? The Boogeyman? Fear. Fear of others and fear for/about myself. Don't think about it too hard or you'll die of terror. The world and time is working against you, and if your pulse isn't making a statement right now, I'm proud of your accomplishment. You're on your own side, even with a string of friends and family around you. You can't afford to fight yourself and all the atrocities of this world. Be on your side if anything else fails because you have to live with your decisions.

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Current Music:everything!!
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Time:06:50 pm
Current Mood:pensiveohmmmm

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...

Opening Credits:
Batman theme song

Waking Up:
When I Look to the Sky -- Train

First Day At School:
That's Amore

Falling In Love:
Not Quite Paradise

Fight Song:
Dinner is Served -- Dead Man's Chest soundtrack

Breaking Up:
I'm Not Okay [I promise] -- MCR

Sweet Rosalyn -- Sheryl Crow

Bonfires -- Blue Foundation

Mental Breakdown:
Thoughts of a Dying Aetheist -- Muse

Davy Jones -- Dead Man's Chest soundtrack

Think of You -- A Fine Frenzy

Getting Back Together:
Soak Up The Sun -- Sheryl Crow

Notes -- Phantom of The Opera soundtrack [gotta lotta these!]

Birth of Child:
Me and My Shadow -- Frank Sinatra & Sammy Davis, Jr.

Final Battle:
The Small Print -- Muse

Death Scene:
Everyone's a Little Bit Racist -- Avenue Q soundtrack

Funeral Song:
Korkore Zav Ande Kalyi Ratyi -- Putamayo Presents Gypsy

End Credits:
Let Go -- Frou Frou

Not bad. Too many soundtracks for my liking but okay. ^_^.
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Current Music:oldies that aren't oldies.
Current Location:Futureland Bed Depot, Ne
Time:06:42 am
Current Mood:exanimatedon't want to do anything
Halloween: I went down with Steph to see Angie in St. Joseph over the weekend and what a blast! The first night we watched a few episodes of True Blood--Charlane Harris's series come to life and sexier than most vampire shows. Thank you HBO. I expect to see Anita Blake next. Friday we left a little earlier, got lost several times, and landed ourselves in Worlds of Fun country a few hours too soon. We ended up going further down the interstate to go to a movie--The Haunting of Molly Hartley was excellent. The ending was beautiful and what I was hoping for: Not enough movies have such endings, but I'm kinda of dreaming of a continuation plot.

Worlds of Fun wasn't expecting to see three Haunted House regulars walking into the park, and we were lucky to: One, get inside the gates with the awesome wig Steph made on her own. Rag Doll costume was great! She had to remove the wig to get in, but we wore our outfits all day so it wasn't so bad. I was a pirate but I could've passed for Prince, and Angie decided to go as herself--awesome people with Angie's mind don't need elaborate costumes sometimes. :) I think we were an inspiration to some of the workers.

We walked into the park and saw screaming/running kids being followed by guys in masks and I don't think the three of us understood why the cheesy guy was creeping everyone out. It's not like they were actually scary, but walking around them was annoying at times because we managed to step into the way of the screaming/running kids. Some people are just rude. :3

The rides were great, Angie overcame her fear of heights to come along with us--this being Angie, who didn't want to bring herself to climb up to the top bunk, did a good job being with us every step of the way. I think it's just being around Steph and I that made her forget a few things. Her eyes were closed most of the time so we didn't bother her about it. I'm proud that she overcame. There were other things going on at the park, so more than just the rides!

We arrived at opening time [6p.m.] and around 6:30 they started the parkwide fog machines which covered the entire park within about 45 minutes. It rocked so hard. We rode on all the rides before it got too dark, and not that many people were around at first so NO lines.

First, we went to Camp Gonnagitcha (sp?), where we laughed with Jason and his chainsaw. He had some nice jokes, pretty funny, and the people were quite entertaining and well-placed. Those people knew how to scare. We hardly had to give tips at all! xD I went first for the first few houses/walks, and I had this habit of pointing out the hiding spots and where best to hide scarers. I take it not many people wanted to hide in a cranny every weekend for a full month, so I couldn't blame them. After two days I'm usually ready to find myself a different Room to hide in! It was a relatively long walk for an amusement park. Most of them took over twenty minutes to get through.

Lore of the Vampire, which played on the tv/movie theme, music and all, was possibly Steph's favorite. She walked through each room and pointed out which movie/show/song was from which series/movie/show. Quite entertaining. The Dominion of Doom was zombies, but they were articulate and fast. It wasn't what I was expecting, that's for sure. Blood Shed was a hick/slaughterhouse theme--it had me at one point and it was our last stop for houses--and scared me at the cannibalism they were displaying outside. To tell the truth, I didn't care much about the dog in the house because I was trying too hard not to let the idea of being eaten alive by zombies/cannibals enter my mind.

The Insane Asylum was my favorite. There was fog, tons of mirrors, a strobe light, and massive barred cage settings. At one point, Steph was stopped completely because none of us were able to see our hands in front of our faces and crazy people were coming in from the distance to scare the shit outta us. Rob Zombie music as well as a very hardcore crazy theme for music made everything that much freakier. I wanted to go again! :3 Oh, and the sign at the Exit Only pass was spelled wrong. DO NO ENTER, though creative and fun to say at random times, was not correctly used.

The Doll House was second on our list--Steph used me as a human shield against the water, twice I believe--and I don't know what their budget held in store. There were more dolls than I've ever seen in one place, and it was great the way we just fit in all around.

Oh, and the music was from Midnight Syndicate. All three of us were naming the songs playing all through the park and laughing about our haunted house at Wayne. Good times, we even made line buddies, and were praised at how great of line buddies we were. Lines can be so boring, so I'm glad we got done with the rides early.

Saturday we left the house Once, and then we stayed in bed the entire rest of the day. I've not had that much fun in a long time.


Work: Almost quit because the temp service didn't have Any jobs lined up. Someone showed up last minute and put me back in the same building. I contracted a UTI and had to lay off the sweets. Projects done in a month and a half, but only because no one thought to tell us that one of the projects were already done. Go figure.


This weekend rocked. Vodka and late nights. I've never been told to just sit put and do nothing all weekend, but it was really nice. Although I need to learn to be more cuddly and less paranoid. I found myself watching The Big Lebowski and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas completely for the first time. I don't remember much from Fear and Loathing, but I'm assuming it was good the entire way through. I bought MirrorMask, a couple of cheap CDs, Dick Tracy, and a few other cheap things this weekend. I also got to create my own DnD character, to be used at a later date. I apparently have to divide 44 pts. into many categories for my skills. I think I might like this game.

To be believed at another time,
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Current Music:Tetris!
Current Location:Futureland House, Ne
Subject:I STILL don't care! :D
Time:10:08 am
Current Mood:thoughtfulTETRIS!
Okay, so this week has been really trying on my stay at my current job, Novartis. I love the people to death--most of them--but sometimes I just want to yell at them. No harm in a little broken ear drum here or there, right?

So a few weeks ago this forklift driver--mean guy on a forklift 1--strolls up to me and gets up in my face about where I'm dropping a pallet. Actually it was more like, "HEY!" and then I turned to acknowledge him. Unfortunately, what he saw was a glare of immense annoyance, and he sorta backed off for a second, waiting for me to talk. . .
"PLEASE!" That's the only word that came to me at the time, and What a Word! Then in his shock, I said in a very dulcet and motherly tone, "Where would you like me to put this pallet instead?"
"O-over there by the sugar. . . Please!" I could've laughed if I didn't think it were a serious problem of the adults of today losing their fucking minds as of late.
"Okay, I can do that."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."

The people here are pretty rude in some respects, and here's another reason how they can be.

Instructions by BossMan: "When you're done [cleaning] with Line 270 [my line! :D], you can go and work over at the next line, 268." Let me say this right now: Line 270 was a wreck, and one by one our workers were leaving for the night because of a no work--no big, I stayed behind to help with the clean-up and so did my TMS [team manager something, hey that works! ^_^] IT TOOK 3 HOURS, three hours of cleaning green dust from plexiglas panels [what a hard things to do, it smeared really bad], cleaning out the pill-fill room because the shift before us didn't even sweep, washing machine parts, and cleaning labels that hadn't been cleaning in two weeks. I was all over that room, and I finally got done by the time first break came around.

Bruce--the Douche!--started coming up to me and busting my chops because I was supposed to join their line and he didn't like waiting forever for the stupid temp to wait on him hand and foot so he could sit back and laze around while we did all the work. "You're supposed to be over Here, not messing around over there! You can't be over there doing Nothing!" I had to bite my tongue a bit--owwww--and put my big girl panties on for a moment. "I'm supposed to clean this Line like BossMan said, clean the line and Then go to 268. I wasn't finished."
"You're supposed to be on 268, you can't just go wherever you want, why don't you just go home, I don't wanna work with you. blah blah blah, bitch moan. . . "
"Hey!" My TMS shows up at that moment, I'm glowing red with anger at this point. "You can just get Bob down here right now, and then I'll tell him exactly what I just told you. 270 THEN 268. You got a problem with that? Not my problem!" And then he left, grumbling and making childish remarks all the way to HR. I didn't even get in trouble! xD What were they going to do? Fire me for cleaning too much?? xD It was a dependant day where I had to follow orders and I did just that. Ha, bitches. Getting up in the face of Douche, a Full-Time Permanant, while I was a mere Temp Employee was pretty dumb, but hey, if you can't take it, get the hell out.

Yay! Day shift Lincoln Benefit Life!! :D Here I come!

P.S., My courage to stand up to the big lazy oaf had to do with my soon-to-be new job. Awesome.
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Current Music:Lenny Kravitz
Current Location:Futureland Post, Ne
Time:07:54 am
Current Mood:amusedI don't Care! Yaaaayyy!
The idea for today is not stress, but it's close. It's responsibility. Responsibility is what puts us aside from the rest of the world. It's the notion that our messes are our own. If you've got a dirty secret, it's on Your plate, not mine, and to imply otherwise is considered Irresponsible. If you still deny that responsibility, that's called an outright lie or Denial, depending on whether you acknowledge there is a responsibility.

Family, there's another word to chew on. I'm just glad I have friends to help me through all the shit I sift through every time someone piles it on at the buffet table. I'm not going to let this year get to me. My sister, bless her, was strong last year, giving me the benefit. She was unsettled this year. If anyone who's met her is reading this, know that I'll be the strong one this year. Should she end up on the chopping block, I'll be the one with the horse wagon and the pistol breaking her free. Good thing it works so well in the movies or I'd have to lean on some other analogy. Talking to Grandma on a regular basis has helped, but I won't be the one stepping on egg shells this year. I did enough of that last year to last me through this one.

It must be hard, pretending you care when you really don't. I wasn't planning on showing up to that anniversary, but I got pulled in and thank my non-existent god for that! If it weren't for my mom's sister [P.A.], I'd have not gotten through that day. xD Man, if she was trying to disturb me it wasn't working! ^_^ I ended up laughing about it later, the whole ruse that she was actually TRYING to get along with me. After tearing my grandmother away from me because she wanted the relationship with her mother to be stronger, I actually had a moment where I cared whether or not she got the money my mom was supposed to get. Now I see the truth: Mom never wanted the money. She's the good daughter who never did anything wrong, and that pissed off her sister more than anything. Mild versus Wild.

I won't explain the situation anymore, I've probably said enough because I had the awesome feeling that she knew about this blog. I know her daughter has seen it, but think maybe she needs to be given the truth by someone who doesn't Fabricate it every time she tells it.


On to Politics. . .

John McCain is an absolute War Crimes kinda guy. The shit he comes up with and approves is proof that you don't have to know Anything to run for President. I guess knowing that Democrats don't brag about their money and try very hard not to mar the opposition's family sets them off a bit. The total crap CNN puts on the reels never fails to hit the big-money-maker's interest. I mean, no one gives a SHIT that the VP's daughter got knocked up except the politicians. They put her out there to take the pressure off the VP and her plans to let the oil mongers drill. Just perfect. Nevermind the woman is part of an overall plan to rid educational systems of their Much Needed sex education classes and insurance policies of their birth control options.

They have no idea what they're getting in to. This whole election on the side of the GOP is a complete joke and has turned into a fashion pageant. Why should anyone take the advice of McCain when he's admitted that he has Zip on economic policy and everything on military governing? Do we really think that he'll stop anything in the Middle East when he's told us outright that he hopes we're there for a hundred years? Our world can NOT survive with these hopes and dreams of his. The guy we want doesn't even know how many houses he owns, let alone Care about the American Peoples' rights to keep one.

He doesn't care in the way America needs. How about we spend some money IN-country and not continue to sabotage our future? Do what you need to do in order to survive, but don't vote your party because it's just, "What you always do."
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Current Music:Long December, Counting Crows.
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:Maybe this year will be better than the last.
Time:10:51 pm
Current Mood:soremy stomach pains me.
So I'm here thinking, "Why would I want my Masters in Creative Writing? It's like having a Bachelors in Writing, only more costly."

So here I am, thinking about out-of-state colleges. Library Science, mainly. I know, it's like putting a hyena in a quiet cave. Loud and unbearable at times, and the idea of me working in a quiet area seems to be the exact opposite of what I really am like. But I really like books--especially old ones, they smell fantabulous!--and I really like libraries. So why not go into restoration or something similar?

I've liked Milwaukee for the longest time, and they've a school there with what I'm looking for. Yes, that means I'd have to move away for a few years to complete the coursework. No, I'd not forget anyone--I'll learn to live on my own for the most part, start a few ripples in my networking, and it'd be good for me to do some more soul searching. Hard to do that in this house, sadly. I've got some weird things going on in this establishment. For such a young house, I'm surprised it's giving me such guff.

But yes, Restoration, records management. I have a feeling I'd have a fine time with that--less customers, I suppose. It's a Library Science, too, so I could work in a library system. I'm not ever banking on making a ton of money based on the degree--people with experience could kick my ass, thank you very much--but it'd be nice if I could break even by retirement.

Damn, I need a new car. And a better place to stay. Short term, it'd be easier to live here until I go to Milwaukee--if that's indeed where I'm heading. Knowing me. . . I suppose I'll go just for the experience and the degree, but that's Huge for me! It's not just a piece of paper. I count All of the things that happen to be learning experiences. Living alone in a large city, relying on my income as well as my knowledge, seeing if my parents taught me everything I needed to know and if my other college experiences meet par as well. Testing friendships by moving away.

Just the thought of moving to obtain this degree makes me feel warm and cozy. Watching my family, I know they're going to be fine without me. My friends can take care of themselves. It's been a long road for some of them and I know they're intelligent and capable, even if they don't believe me. I don't know how many people rely on my opinions, but that's what phones are for.

If I live in a dorm again, we're talking minimal living once again--apartment close to home would give me more room to clean--oooooh, wood floors! I'd like wood floors!--and living in a dorm is a little less me right now. Save my money, make my stance on where I'm going, walk from place to place and live close to campus. That's a major solution. Gas will cost less then, and deferred payments will cease until I have my degree completed. Need to get my GRE. It'll be good for four or five years. Any longer would be too long and I'd have to pay for it again. Best to get it done now. Paying off the student loans would kill me and make me wait. Waiting isn't my strong suit.
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Current Music:Sister Hazel
Current Location:Futureland Solarium, Ne
Time:03:47 pm
Current Mood:blankPossibilities. . .
So I'm working for a temp agency that put me to work in a pill manufacturing plant. That part doesn't bother me. . . much. I don't mind that I'm working third shift, but it bothers me that I haven't seen my nephew since Sunday morning. I admire my boss for being such a strict worker--she's a Cancer, it fits very well. Someone told me she was a Capricorn, but then they must've gotten the two Cs mixed up because my boss WasN'T a Capricorn. I've had those bosses. She's a total Cancer and I didn't know how to understand her. I'm a Leo in a job with little or no opportunity for creative expression. I think it's killing me. I feel like I'm dying. Cause of death is hard to determine since it's more of a matter of psychological expression than of any physical ailment.

I accidentally took a sip from my sister's smoothie--Juice Stop, try the Scissor Kick. . . no cold sores yet. ^_^

I'm sick and tired of waiting for someone to come to my occupational rescue. I'm going back to college and getting a decent part-time job to hold me over. It'll defer the school payments, but I'll have to sacrifice that chance to get rid of them. Should I go out of state, move to Omaha, or stay where I am and take the classes online?? Could I find a job in Omaha? Very possibly. The shopping's nice there, too. Must watch out for that. :? I'm becoming a bit of a shopaholic. According to my online bank account, I spend. . . a little too much, but I'm getting better. There's money in my bank account, which is excellent. But I need to save more. This should be easy if I avoid Target, the Dressbarn, and Walmart. Problem solved. Oh, and hide my credit card again. ^_^

Part of me wants to go back to The Home Depot as an associate. I think I could do it because I love telling people about things I know. It's this weird gift I have that I can't stop. I'd love teaching kids, but I can do that with the library aspect. I actually wouldn't mind records and information. Archival studies seems really interesting and I wouldn't mind diving into that focus. I've been enamored by old literature--not so much the reading of but the keeping of--since I discovered book smelling. :3
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Current Music:Dream a little dream of me.
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:No time like the present.
Time:08:39 am
Current Mood:aggravatedmoonshine stuff.
So, I was talking with some state people and reading some issues online and decided to write a rebate blog. I've tried to think about how this will actually work, since the money will obviously be coming from magical sources and not because we actually have the money to give away. What happens when the government makes more money than we have? The value of a dollar goes down. What will happen if the value of a dollar goes down? Prices go up all over the place to make up for the difference.

Will we get paid more? Not really. I mean, do you think we'll see a difference this month, or this year? No one who just spends the rebate like a bonus will think so. But what about next year, when we're hoping to lower gas prices and make the best out of our $6.22 minimum wage job while gas rises to $5.50/gal? Will those who make less than the cost of living be able to make one and will it make a difference to those who can? What looks like a nice gesture by the government can and will bite us in the ass later.

I don't know everything about the rebates, but here are some details from a source I read through. I'd rather find a more viable solution than, "OMG Free Monies!!" because it seems all of our money is going to find it's way into the hands of the government to support our lovely "pursuits" overseas in the Persian Gulf. As a last ditch effort, the government [yes, Democrats in this case] is trying to give out free money in order to stimulate the economy but I doubt it'll do more than make Wall Street and the conglomerates happy. [Don't forget the oil tycoons!!]

I should just spend the money on my credit card and be done with it. Buy a tank of American gasoline and sit back to watch the world laugh at us.

The Bush 2008 Tax Rebate Check Plan


On another note, I was thinking about furthering my education. A Masters in Creative Writing would be very sufficient. . . if I could afford going away to college and spending thousands and thousands of dollars for a full-time education. We're talking nearly $1k/credit hour and 48+ credit hours to adhere. I suppose I could get a better job and try to pay for it myself, but that'd take a very long time. Lean on student loans? I suppose it'd help by taking away my current loan--putting it on hold, actually--and adding more to it for later. And how to pay for that lovely loan once I graduate? I couldn't find a god damn job with a Bachelor's Degree.

What's worse is that I want to go to Canada to get my degree. Ontario, Toronto, Quebec, Alberta. In the UK and Ireland there are over 10 schools that provide that degree as well! It's a dream, but it's not an impossible dream. I'd have to save up and be sneakier. Getting a job permit for working in Canada would take some time, finding a job that'll pay for an apartment would be peachy too. Craigslist, heh. Because I want to go places great and see more of the world. 7% isn't enough. I don't think it would be enough to visit one place for a little period of time and be satisfied. I'd want to live there. Canada, United States, France, UK, Spain, Italy. Writing would only enhance my experience.

4 years living in Canada to gain citizenship.
5 years living in the UK.
10 years for Spain.
10 years for Italy.
I already live in the U.S.A., so pfft.
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Subject:random musings
Time:11:02 am
Current Mood:amusedhomemade sweet n sour chicken!
I guess I should be typing one entry a week--a nice long explanation of what's been happening in my life.

Basically, I found out that everyone at work has this terrible image of temps. I think it's a superiority complex and no one's really good at hiding it. I could run a few machines better than some of the permanents and that's when it started. Unfortunately, those who were talking about me never touch the machine. They're basically paid watchers and don't ever interfere with the workings/non-workings of the machinery. The temps, on the other hand, have to know how things work because no one comes to help them. Duh. Anyways, long story short, that's why temps don't stick around. That and no one thinks it's beneficial to hire a temp because they'll do the work anyways.

So, surfing for a new job. Yeah.

My sleep habits are terrible today--I need to get back to sleep before I crash on the job. At least I try. I got a call from work to not come in--no product, nothing to do, no work. Okay. I played pinball until 5a.m. and collapsed only to sleep 4 hours. That's not good. I've got to make up the time now.

Barbershop chorus this weekend, hanging out with Jodie and Rachel. It'll be nice to get out and see a show. Can't wait for the afterglow, either. Tons of music this weekend. I want one of those jobs I applied for, any of them would be better for me.
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Current Music:Van Helsing [movie]
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:Die Hard With a Vengeance.
Time:12:58 am
Current Mood:apathetichmm, black and white
I don't know who my mom's kidding. There's no way I'll be able to get the sleep required to function tomorrow if everyone's celebrating my niece's baptism and I've got to work. Damn it all to hell, I can't even sleep right now and I need to get some sleep. I got 12 hours earlier, which put me at 2p.m. wake-up. Everyone looked so surprised that I woke up then, but it wasn't a surprise to me, that's actually 2 hours early!

My mind is mulling things over right now. Bosses can be good or bad, and seeing past either is tough. I think I prefer the jerk of a boss who forgets that she yelled at me later and is all back to being a friend later. Strangeness, but manageable. I think I'll stick to volunteering at the library. I think I'll stick with 3rd shift for awhile, since the people seem nice enough. Sleep during the day until my father gets off his voluntary layoff? That has some possibilities, too. Sleep while he's awake/busy/anything? Sure!

My sister's moving out eventually, that'll cause a lot less tension as well. I don't fight with Jill anymore, if only because it's easier to not fight and get along for my family's sake. Confined spaces, limited mobility, I can live with it.

Damn, getting into television's dead zone. Not the show or the book, or even in the zombie sense. It's coming to that time where there's only bad tv on tv. I think I'll stick to whatever I may be watching. Right now it's Die Hard With A Vengeance. Next is Van Helsing. I think I'm safe until four, but then I really need to catch up on my sleep before 11:15a.m.

But anyways, random conversation: I really like Jeremy Irons. I also like chewing on my fingers. My eyes are getting really red, but I can't seem to make them clear for long. I have nerve problems right now, and couldn't really focus on my thinking until just recently. I can zone in on a few major details, and really thought something was wrong with me until just this moment. I don't feel paranoid, more apathetic. That's worthy of attention. I guess.

I'm tired of writing to a certain number of words to which I've been trying to set myself. It's not that I hate the numbers I'm coming up with, or that it's against the creative license. It's because I'm bored with the numbers and can't think of where to go next. I don't know where my character is ending up, though my mind would disagree greatly out of pure denial. Umm, I'm kinda ticked--though not as ticked at my sis--that our pizza leftovers got snatched up by my dad. That's what, four and a half pieces my nephew managed to eat? I don't think so.

I want a Master's Degree, but I don't want to get it in the wrong thing. I thought about Library Science, but that'd only get me out of state, and people don't want to pay for it, which then means that you can't pay off those damn student loans. Plus, I don't think I like the library as much as writing.

Dana should do her job with the Bureau, then go back only to find that it was all a ruse to get her name out in the open in the first place. That would piss off the uppers. And by doing that, they have to relocate both her and Jordan in order to hide her better. Who found her, though? Frost, of course. That should've been easy.

Sometimes horror movies are stupid.

Invasion America needs to come out on DVD.

Black and White should refrain from being used in modern movies. Remember "Payback"? Crime Noir, excellent, not needed in black and white, so it was in technically colored noir-ish appearance. I knew I'd love it so I just bought it. :) Ooh, hello Hugh Jackman. Stop covering up your face, sexy.

Yippee-kay-aye, motherfucker.
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Current Music:Some stupid song I heard on the radio but don't know the words.
Current Location:Futureland Realization Clinic, Ne
Subject:personal problems, as usual. Afterall, what's LJ w/o them?
Time:11:10 pm
Current Mood:lethargicam I awake? am I asleep?
* I just want to be myself
* I hate gossips, even though everyone has to deal with them.
* I have no right to claim hypocrisy on Anyone if I've done it as well.
* I should be Switzerland when it comes to familial issues.
* I remember when I didn't have an opinion of anything.
* I hate customer service.
* I don't mind libraries.
* I want that full time job, even a bad person or two included, they're still there and I still have an MP3 player.
* I used to be happy.
* I used to be calm.
* I used to know who I was, or didn't care and was fine with it.
* Sometimes I think I'd be happier if I just chose a religion so I wouldn't be stuck on my own so often.
* I can't just choose a religion.
* My brain hates me.
* Some people hate me more than my brain does me.
* I'm actually okay with that.
* I actually told someone out loud that I thought my bro-in-law didn't have a spine. It was the only bad thing I had, and he heard it.
* I'm not sure how I feel about it. I just know I don't want to be a part of it anymore.
* I want to learn to communicate better.
* That's one of the reasons I'm a total hypocrite.
* I want to be a casual talker, but not one extreme [super quiet] or the other [super chatty].
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Current Music:Whatever happy music decided to play tonight.
Current Location:Yay! I'm an Aunt. . . again!!
Subject:Have a niece!! :D
Time:10:20 pm
Current Mood:happyhappy
Hello, in addition to my family collection--I have five!! :o]]--I now have a niece to add to the mix!

Kayla McKenzie Tran
7 lbs. 10 oz.
20 inches
dark hair, long
Born 2-29-08, 7:47a.m.

The first picture--she really looks like she's playing a bass!! XD
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Current Music:Whatever I can get my hands on.
Current Location:Futureland Testing Center, Ne
Time:11:23 am
Current Mood:nauseatedgossips in general. . .
Okay, this is hilarious. My workmate Nancy who had been talking about me has chosen all the hours on the days I'm Not working! XD I don't think it'll be a problem for me, to tell the truth, if she avoids me. She knows she's wrong, but she should say sorry. It is sort of my business who she's been talking to, however, and I'm going to have to explain to everyone because she has a big mouth for untrue details. Disregard, figured out, all good now. See how I can easily forgive and forget?

Anyways, onto more important things. . .

I've been trying to get a FT job for awhile now and it's a real toss up between staying at Home Depot, going for an office job, r going into something blue collar assembly for the great dough. Novartis sounds like a great jump up in pay, being about $20/hr. for stuffing packages with prescription pills. Office would be nice and steady, something I can carpool with and not worry about losing if I get into the state department. I don't really want the hours of Home Depot, Novartis is 3rd shift, which I can hopefully deal with, and office work would give me the same hours as everyone else, including days off. Home Depot's pay stinks, Office job isn't too much better, but my head's above water, and Novartis is excellent pay and I don't have to deal with customers.
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Current Music:my own rage.
Current Location:Futureland Asylum, Ne
Subject:Work situation, yes.
Time:03:09 pm
Current Mood:bitchyHigh School. . .
You know how you're thinking about one person and not another?? Well, that last post I didn't realize there were two Mike's who'd read my LJ and I owe one an apology. Sorry, I wasn't talking about you, Mike. The other, should I have to disclose a name one day, Knows who he is. *evil eye!! o.<*

I want to work alone so I don't have to worry about rumor-spreading whores. [I use "whores" in the loosest, comical sense that has nothing to do with a prostitute by Any means.] I want to communicate, but people are so intent to make my life unbearable that they use my life as a means to satisfy their desperate desire for attention. Whoop-dee-fucking-dooooo to those who actually take it to heart that their friends are grabbing them emotionally and trying to make it hurt. I know who's spreading the rumors and I can't stand gossips. Their names are beneath my mention! o.<***** Personally I think it's something of a requirement to have bitchy, undisputed liars in an office setting who make it hard to actually work with them.

What the hell kind of outfit are these people running? At Home Depot they don't talk that much because no one sees each other more than a few hours every week. This is like a running target center with poison darts and my head hurts because of these childish practices. Yes, I KNOW it's everywhere and I should just ignore it, but sometimes it's those hurtful words that make a person want to lash out anyways. I want to tell them there's nothing going on, but who would believe the truth?? It's so truthy it's Shameful!! :o And apparently the truth isn't what they want to hear.

Not. My. Problem.

Sucks to be them,
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Current Music:nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Current Location:Futureland Jobsite, Ne
Subject:I'm no Superman.
Time:03:07 pm
Current Mood:aggravated-_-;;;
Mike, I swear if I find out you're posting in my blogs I will privatize every one of them and you'll never hear a word from me ever again [there, I refrained from threatening your life, consider it a step up from what I just deleted]. I'm not in the mood for your self-righteous responses--I still haven't gotten around to thinking that you'd pull through for me if something bad happened to Anyone I know or even myself--and it would not do to piss me off right this moment. I don't want your help nor did I ask for it so keep it to yourself. >:[

I swear, finding a FT job is like playing the waiting game. The whole waiting for the call or email, then calling them and going after that dangling carrot in front of me. Gyahh. I hope some of those jobs open up and I can stop thinking about them for awhile. At least three weeks until I find out about any of them. Crap because I think too much about it and want something that won't inhibit my mileage and give me something better to do with myself. Working two part time jobs is harder than I thought it'd be and plus I don't have the security I was hoping for. At least I still get two checks and the work is relatively simple when people don't constantly BUG me about things I did wrong because I didn't have the proper training! >:( Maybe I'm just ready for FT work and was just hiding from that truth, but I was really hoping that I could work this way and not worry about the excess fat that came along--like weekends. I haven't had two days off in a row in two months. My one day every other week has been selfishly wasted on meaningless efforts to improve my mental condition and have no impact on my writing.

Writing, how nice it would be to sit down at the same time every night/morning and push out a page for my story. I can't just sit down at any time of the day and pop out a page without thinking about it. I work best in the evening when my family is around and I'm watching some series that has nothing to do with what I'm writing but still has great music and I know most of the words. So instead of writing short stories like I've been trying to, I'm writing journal entries about how I hate where my life has ended up. I don't want another part-time job right now because I'm worried that the hours are going to ruin me. Solution: One [1] Full-Time job for forty [40] hours a week, and no worrying about what my bosses say about customer service and how it'll further my career. No more worrying about whether or not I have a future being a cashier for some international retail [IT'S RETAIL, THEY HAVE STUFF AND PEOPLE BUY IT] place I don't care about. I'll stick with it until one of these other jobs becomes available to me. Result: Hopefully I will be able to pay off my debt and actually be able to MOVE out of my parents' basement before I'm 30. Hopefully I will have less self-doubt about my career choices and actually find an identity I can live with, even if it's my own.

I'm no Superman, but if I'm not mistaken, that guy had some social problems of his own.
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Current Music:The Boondock Saints
Current Location:Futureland Nap Booth, Ne
Time:10:27 pm
Current Mood:discontenthappy but not?
In my Philosophy class with Katherine Butler, she used a strange example of right and wrong, involving what is right being a matter of perspective instead of something universal. She used an analogy of Kitty being stabbed repeatedly in a bad neighborhood to clarify. There was no one who called the police or even helped her as she was killed in the street. . .

Now, Katherine Butler never told us where she found the article, because I assumed she'd used something very specific. No, ladies and gentlemen. I believe she'd seen the movie The Boondock Saints. Surprised, aren't you?

On Season 4 of Scrubs, and those writers seemed to get better with their plots. Nice character developments.

Oh, speaking of TV writers, they might be reaching an agreement on that little matter of a strike. Hopefully it doesn't involve taking shitty pay for something created. TV will get worse, and I hope no one gets left out of a job:

Writer's Strike via Wikipedia:

The terms are right above the outline.
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Current Music:Duh.
Current Location:Futureland Hollywood, Ne
Subject:my scrubs addiction
Time:05:03 pm
Current Mood:calmI'm no Superman.
Okay, so I found out I'm addicted to the tv show Scrubs. . .

The sounds of the theme song used to be a turn-off. I used to hate the thought of another doctor series, but now I get excited at the sound of  "I can't do this on my own, no I'm no, I'm no Superman!" Now that I'm on the second season on the first day.

Aww, J.D. the tool in 2X03. . . I hope that doesn't come back to hit him?

. . .

I think that's it.

Oh, and my nephew's getting smarter. It's great to know that I can understand him better than I used to.


Bunny? Enid? Gyahh.
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Current Music:The Addams Family
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:Self Evals
Time:11:29 am
It's one thing to recognize the need for self-improvement, it's another to find something of it later. So many thoughts going through my head, it's hard to define who the real me is. Am I the one with a smiling disposition and a pleasant tone? Am I a working person with aspirations of grandeur? One day I'm thinking to myself, "I'm usually feeling strong emotions from others, how am I to know who the real me is?"

When I say, "From others" I'm speaking of empathy. There are people who absorb emotions as easily as inhaling. It's harsh in this world, with all the highs and lows, and with the right person, it can be overwhelming. People are probably thinking right now, "So, you think you have superpowers or something?" and they'd want proof. It does sound crazy every once in awhile, but the problem is that I can't turn it off usually. Who are they to ask stupid questions? It just proves they don't understand what it is, and it's not something you can explain. It has to be felt. Walking into a hospital and crying at the sight of anything, walking into a pound and choking at the desperation, rejoicing in someone's happiness even though you're miles and miles away or right beside them. Everyone can feel those emotions, but to be intune to them, to feel them as though a train ran you over. I suppose if I had to explain it, that'd be close. The energy flow is powerful, can you feel it?

Recently I've found that I'm one who can feel that energy, and not everyone can feel it. I started questioning myself because I fear I may not know who the real me is because of this empty space. I walk around and feel happy when others are happy, then sad when others are sad, and I get by myself only to find out I don't feel anything. What a horrible feeling. It's as though I knew how to feel when others felt it, but don't know how it works so I can use it alone. I'm learning, though. I'm spending more time thinking and being content. I seem to have that one down pretty well. There's a factor of overwhelming emotion that carries me over to tension--everything at once makes me panic, and caffeine is something I don't need now.

Woo, caffeine. Going to cut back on that one for awhile. Nothing like a panicky empath. The people you see in supernatural tv series, the empaths and psychics, they're all that way because they can't react normally without opening up their defenses. You see the worst case scenarios on tv. The abusers, the handle-take-the-power types, the runaways, the pushers, and even the delerious ones who borrow from others. Many psychics embrace life because they know about the bad and they want to have the love to even things out. They know there's more to life than the bad things.

I'm slowly finding out my strengths and weaknesses. I've been trying to find out who I really am, and purpose will come later, I suppose. For now, learn and discover.
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Current Music:The Quick and The Dead
Current Location:Futureland OK Corral, Ne
Subject: My computer has gone back into the 17th century. . .
Time:01:07 pm
1601, to be exact, but hey! It wasn't obsolete! :D


May 6th, 2007
Toronto, Canada

I met a nice Austrian guy, 6'6", and he was heading for ONtario after coming from the UK. I was hoping he'd be heading to Quebec, but I'm tired and fairly starving. $10 USC won't do my much good in Canada, sadly. Maybe I can get it exchanged. There was this Indian man who was taking forever to check us in. The Austrian guy--didn't catch his name--had been waiting for 15 minutes already when the I.M. came up. In what would've taken at most three minutes, took this guy 15. Poor guy.

Technically I was up at 8a.m. on Saturday for graduation. It is now noon on Sunday. I think I'll take the 5:30 flight so I can eat. 8+8=24 hrs. +4 = 28 hours.

I didn't get more than 15 minutes in last night. I ended up logging onto the internet and printing off last minute instructions and maps. Woke up at 12:45, took my shower, immediately went to the airport, and checked in at 4:25a.m. The plane was supposed to take off at 5:04a.m., then 6:04a.m. then 7:25a.m., then 7:44a.m., then 8:01a.m., and we left around 8:30a.m. My plans were set ajar. The next takeoff was 8:45a.m. and I didn't arrive until 10:15! What started as a simple 1 hour 10 minute flight lasted two hours!! Very sad. Luckily the airline thought ahead and were more than happy to reroute our luggage and pop us onto an immediate flight! How nice of them.

So now I'm sitting--very comfortably I might add-- [leg room! No space-inhibiting neighbor!] and a very snooty guy next to me. Hmm, I want to tease him so badly. XD He looks so tired, though I think I'll just leave him alone.

What I've eaten in the past 28 hrs.:
* Graduationg Brunch [yummy!]
* a hot dog and some fries
* half a pb&j sandwich, which I almost lost while nervous.
* grape-flavored gum.


Well, cool, ey?
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Current Music:So I Married An Axe Murderer.
Current Location:Futureland Notebook, Ne
Subject:well. . .
Time:09:50 pm
If it's not clean air, it's clean water.

Road trips with dads are only fun until darkness falls. The speed limit is fine until he's driving. The road rage isn't okay until it pisses him off. That's the life of my dad. We agree on anything until he's driving this time. I hung out with his friends, made some acquaintences, played a bass drum--apparently it's not important that I stick to something I know. gyahh.

My sister's third trimester is well on its course, and I'm sure everyone notices. She's bitching a lot more and using pregnancy to make it legal. So I mentioned the word sadist when describing a crazy woman with her shiny brights on the road and she said, "Could you Not use that word?"
"What? Sadist? It's not satanist."
"Well, what does sadist mean?"
"Taking pleasure in another's pain [can't use schadenfreude here, everyone :/ ]"
"Oh, well blah blah blah--"
"Listen, I don't need another lecture tonight." *Exit stage left*

So, Jill asked if it'd be okay if she moved out on her own. *all for that* No problem, if you want to move out on your own, that's perfectly fine with me. I was thinking about moving up north, actually, once I've conjured enough money for it and find a nice enough job up there. Maybe the library needs another person to help out. I love libraries, and I'd hope that Norfolk or Wayne would have some openings. I liked it up there, and wouldn't mind moving back so long as Faye and the others stayed as well. Wayne wasn't so bad, and I'm sure Jodie and Lori would hate it if I moved. I'm only a little miserable here. Just a little unnerved by not living at least on my own. Sure, I pay rent and work two jobs, but if I don't do what I want to do in the next few years, I'll probably lose my chance. Home Depot is pretty nice right now, and the library's only a little annoying right now. If I stick with this for a few years or so, I can get the experience from both and make my way north if I wanted to. Norfolk isn't too bad of a place, and it's only 30 minutes from Wayne. It's a fast 30 minutes if you know the road well. ;)

Basically, I'm telling myself that I'd trade the life I have right now to go back and live with my friends up north? Am I insane for wanting to move back for a little while? I mean, Lori has a few friends but we've been friends for so long but I can't sit still. Jodie would understand but I know she'd want me to stay. Why can't I think of any other reasons to hang around?

It's not really fair to hold my life in front of my friends like that, but I'm feeling the breeze call me, travel is gaining ground. I want to move around. I want to be free to roam. I want to be free of responsibility.

Maybe in awhile. The breeze will still be there later, and I just have to save until it happens. Promise on my part to myself. Norfolk is nice, though.
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Current Music:Dear Prudence. ~the Beatles.
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Time:10:44 am
Current Mood:contemplativestrange
I know I'm just thinking aloud, and I don't mean to bother anyone really, but I've lost a bit of sleep because of it. That's unacceptable. Go figure, the one thing that could help everyone is communication which is easier than you think and can cause so much distress at the same time. Communication to tell someone you are fond of them is open, but then the other party doesn't respond. That's the kind of thing that irritates me. Communicating differences of opinion, people are scared shitless to do that these days, mostly because they're afraid of confrontation. I thought when I got older that people would be able to talk, people would Magically be able to understand what was going on in the world. Now that I'm here and looking around, I see a bunch of shit that I didn't expect. Funny that the perfect relationship isn't perfect because the two people who would match perfectly can't stand to uphold a great relationship. Someone has to go and fuck things up.

Along that line, I'm disappointed that so many people can't just sit down and convey the simple message of, "I'm sorry." Two words, three if you separate the phrase just right, that can change so much if only one or the other said it. If you meant it, if you didn't, the message would be clearer only if there was a sword fight afterwards. Gun fight, maybe that'd be a better analogy, or pickle-throwing. That'd be smelly. Personally, I have a hard time confronting people, but when I do, I make it perfectly clear of my intentions, whether I'm right or wrong: I don't want to have this THING hanging over my head. I cried at work the other day because a workmate yelled at me as though I were her daughter. I cried because she thought I insinuated something I didn't, and she took it personally, for two damn weeks. I went to say sorry because I didn't want her to hate me, then she said she shouldn't have treated me badly, and I had a really good cry with her just watching. Then a couple of days later, I was right as rain. It bothers me a little, but she's only human and so am I.

The point is, Life's too damn short to hate everyone. If one person didn't understand something and didn't have the balls to bring it up like a reasonable person--why do you think I ask so many damn questions?--things get misinterpreted and all hell breaks loose. If the other is too stubborn to admit to a mistake/whatever, that should be the first step. You identify the problem, ask what the other is bothered by, explain yourself, and see how you can work things out. It doesn't have to be perfect if it was before, but it'll be better because you'll have a better understanding of the other person. It can make a person closer or more departed, so long as things are clear.

Life's too short, damn it. Don't make me dance around your problems, guys. I only dance the waltz and the Electric Slide and my feet drag even then.
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Current Music:Faith ~Limp Bizkit
Current Location:Futureland Computer whatchamacallit, Ne
Subject:One of those annual quiz thingies.
Time:08:35 pm
Current Mood:calmDon't know, don't care.
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Current Music:The Black Parade, MCR
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:Front row ticket to the end of the world.
Time:09:42 am
Current Mood:= MCR
This is me being not irritated by life.

It just sorta hit me this morning when I was listening to The Blake Parade that this might be the century that the world could end. How cool would it be to die when the world randomly explodes or turns into a massive wasteland, or even seeing a meteor hit the planet with no hope for survival? What would it feel like knowing that all existence on a global level is going to end and we've all got front row tickets? With all the alarmists and Mayan calendars and obsessives out there, with the facts and lies going around, it'd not be surprising that we're going to be the ones to see it all fall into place. It brings a slight awe to the table. Witnessing a falling sky and dying from something as poetic as the end. Not saying that I Want to die, I just kind of want to die in a cool way.

St. Peter: Ah, Ms. Slechta, or Marx if you prefer.
Me: Well, I might as well stick with my last name, but I have a few friends who wouldn't be able to find me in the phone book. Sooooo, Heaven, ey?
St. Peter: Afraid so.
Me: Not what I pictured. No offense.
St. Peter: Don't worry, no one expects the Inflatable Jesus upon entrance. It's always Christmas up here.
Me: Sounds irritating.
St. Peter: It's not too bad. I got a pair of fluffy socks today.
Me: Oh, that sounds nice. What kind?
St. Peter: Someone thought it'd be funny to make them with sheep. I like them.
Me: Sheep are cool, a bit smelly. Do the smells go away after death?
St. Peter: If you try not to think about it, yes.
Me: And if I do?
St. Peter: It's a long walk to the showers.
Me: @_@ . . .
St. Peter: *looks at his list* Soooo, death by acid rain. That had to suck.
Me: It hurt a bit, but this is an alternative.
St. Peter: I've seen worse, but that must've been pretty shocking.
Me: THAT's a good word for it. Now that I think of it, I'm glad I didn't die stupidly.
St. Peter: We had someone come through here awhile back who'd passed by hamster attack. Major artery. Pretty nasty.
Me: Was it rabid?
St. Peter: No, it belonged to Paris Hilton.
Me: ^_^, that's pretty funny. Someone should write that one down.
St. Peter: Don't worry, the guy got a few chuckles out of it after he got here.
Me: Question.
St. Peter: Yes?
Me: Am I staying here?
St. Peter: Do you want to?
Me: Wait. I have a choice?
St. Peter: Well, duh.
Me: Oh. Well, what other places are there I can go?
St. Peter: Hell, Purgatory, back to Earth, and the Book Store.
Me: How's the Earth?
St. Peter: Partly cloudy, chance of spring showers, high of 65.
Me: Ooh, sounds nice. What's the drop-off point?
St. Peter: England, 1347.
Me: Ha ha, very funny. What's in the book store?
St. Peter: We're going for a global religion theme, but by demand we're forcing to let in all types of books.
Me: What kinds?
St. Peter: All of them.
Me: What do you mean, "All of them"?
St. Peter: I mean what I say. All the books in print up until the world ended.
Me: Ooh, what about those not in print?
St. Peter: We're making adjustments. The Dream Section is being expanded to three miles next week.
Me: Should I even ask what's in Heaven?
St. Peter: Don't bother, your friends came through here a few days ago and went straight to the Book Store.
Me: Do they have journals and pens?
St. Peter: They have empty books that you can imagine the words into.
Me: The dead have the ability to create?
St. Peter: Does Ann Coulter lie?
Me: I'll take that as a resounding yes. Wait, is she in the Book Store?
St. Peter: Nah, all tools go to hell.
Me: Trouble in Paradise?
St. Peter: Nope, Heaven isn't for everyone.
Me: Which way to the Book Store?
St. Peter: Is that your final answer?
Me: Sure. I can entertain myself with literature, Regis.
St. Peter: And if you run out, you can always try reading the poetry section. That's going on five miles.
Me: Ha ha, you're funny. See you around, Pete.
St. Peter: No, you won't.
Me: You watch a lot of movies, but that gave me chills. Cool.
St. Peter: Have a good one.
Me: *half-wave*


Why there's always a conversation with St. Peter everytime, I don't know. I chalk it up to needing someone to explain things somewhat before moving on. It probably doesn't happen like that, but it was fun to write anyways. It'd be lovely if there was a book store with the best of everything. Hey, who knows, maybe this'll be an internet sensation in a few years.
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Current Music:Someday we all must die; Band Marino.
Current Location:Futureland Basement, Ne
Subject:I really do like this blog. . .
Time:11:46 pm
Current Mood:ditzyYeah, ditzy works.
I bitch a lot on it, too. Nothing worse than a bitching person online, I hate even myself for being so damned depressing.

So I got a U.T.I. [Urinary Tract Infection] and knew exactly how to handle it. That was the steadiest solution I've ever come up with on short notice. I went for my amoxil and my over-the-counter pills, then bought some cranberry juice promptly after I reached Lincoln. It was like an episode's commercial trailer, thirty second decision.

I'm going to Christmas on Sunday with the rest of the family--I told myself that not going would give psycho aunt power and that's not what I wanted to do. Besides, "ruining everything" kind of falls into a sub-category to "not-showing-up." Also besides, I think of all the people, I should be able to handle one annoying woman if I can handle myself the rest of the year. ^_^. I'm in good spirits for some reason despite the fact that people buy presents for the people they want, which is a total crock. Secret Santa! White Elephant! Gift Exchange! Those are two-word phrases that have much meaning these days! o.O;;;

Still trying to snag a second job. Maybe I'll get lucky at the new year.

The jobs for the city froze Yet Again, and my library has a problem. . . we've got one person's hours we need to replace, 20 hours/week. We just found out that one of our main librarians is leaving his full-time position, so that opens up 60 hours. Also, one of the bosses has informed us that her husband has an interview with an out-of-state library and if he gets it, they're leaving hands down. 100 hours a week will go unchecked and unfilled. Ahem, where was the consideration for the rest of us that we have to go short-staffed??
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Current Music:The Replacements movie
Current Location:Futurland D.C., Ne
Time:07:59 am
Current Mood:aggravatedju'squa en temps.
Well, That was interesting. I went and had a civil tone the entire time, I even joked with Psycho Aunt--seems one of the safest subjects for this family is Stupid Criminals. Everyone had a story! I laughed in all the right places, grandma was hanging out, and Psycho Aunt never looked at me once. Not once. She looked at everyone else, didn't react when I said anything. I kid you not, I was very cooperative, and she threw everything back into my face. I got to talk to grandma, that was nice, especially when she was alone because when Jeanne's [P.A.] around I can't get a damn word in that isn't defensive or otherwise useful.

That psycho hates me on a different level.

It was fun watching her lurk from room to room, trying to find someone whom she hadn't offended to talk to, her husband reminded me of a vulture, not talking to anyone. The first conversation he came up with WASN'T unions like the last 30 years, but WELFARE. . . but it was actually pretty funny when we had a civil tone to it and didn't act like it was a taboo subject--he was baiting us, and it didn't work. ^_^ I would categorize it under "well-played but lets try to find something better next time." Of course, he'll bring it up again since he's been banned from bringing up unions and his hate attitude. Always something with that guy. -_-
There is something to be said about promises made, how someone says she is sober and in her right mind. I didn't see that Jeanne that everyone saw. I saw someone about ready to go out for blood. It was calculated, and she was very clear with her "I don't like you" message. She was probably sober, because if she was drunk she wouldn't have ignored me but let her contempt hang out all over the place. Fun.

I sat down when everyone else was praying, and Jill managed to get me to stand up--to ease their tension?? I didn't like it, and when Jeanne came close tohear what Jill was telling me, I said very clearly so no mistake was to be had, "I. Don't. Care." I don't want to pray, and I won't. I'm not Catholic, I'm a freaking Wiccan with an edge. By rights I shouldn't even go to x-mas, I have Winter Solstice to work with. -_-
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Current Music:Pushing Daisies on Demand.
Current Location:Futureland Library, Ne.
Time:09:19 pm
Current Mood:boredI don't like soy anyways.
I don't want to go to Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. Or any other holiday with the Souseks. I don't want to be bullied by the family again, and I certainly don't want to see the family together in the same predicaments as last year/last 8 years. -_- Piss on that, I want to be working when holidays come around, don't I?

On one hand, I can't be in the same proximity as the family without feeling like shit.

On the other hand, I don't want to make my grandma sad because I didn't show up.

On one foot, I can make money by working during Thanksgiving/Xmas. Bad news, I'm Wiccan and that opens me up to scrutiny by possibly-still-psycho aunt. But we also have Kate who isn't the same denom as myself, so that's something to look forward to. It's easier if you're not the only one Not praying. Especially since the only Xmas I seem to celebrate is the commercial one. Not a total loss, I suppose. But is it enough?

I applied for a job at Bed, Bath, & Beyond today and I'm pretty sure I have the job. PT, along with the library, I should pull decent wages so as to haul myself onto the platform of Not-in-Debt [NiD], which would sure be nice.

Plus, I'll get better ideas on what to get the family. I once wrote a mental smut story in a BBB store. Good times, good times. I'll have to post that one if I get the chance/writing back. Problem is, it's easier going onto the PC than it is the laptop. Lovely, eh?
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Current Music:Mental Radio Tuner, random blathering.
Current Location:Futureland Basement, Ne
Time:02:18 pm
Current Mood:apatheticMy throat is swollen from dust
Random thoughts.

I wonder if they know how annoying it is that I when I say something, I Don't like to repeat myself. . . 

I shouldn't be irked, they were in the social zone--it was a zone for two, albeit, but no matter.

I'm not interested in Will. He's a nice guy, but I can't see myself with him.

I can move on from other interests, they no longer intrigue.

Slowly, I'm allowing myself to detach from college. Not horrible, but I miss my no longer here friends: Angie and Book Lady for starters. I see some of my Wayne friends enough to know that things have changed perhaps for the worst, I'm not sure. I don't miss Wayne at much, though, and that's a start. People with full-blown relationships kind of bore me, and I wouldn't want to risk ignoring my friends if I did end up with someone. Infatuation is bad enough when you're NOT involved with someone, think about how freaky it is when you Are involved with someone.

I'm not as intrigued with the dreams as I used to be. Real Life kicks in eventually, but hey, at least I can see myself traveling now and saving in order to cross the ocean. That'll be fun. Maybe I'll meet that cute Italian I've been talking about for two years. ^_^
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Current Music:Knight Rider theme? :P
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:The last three months, try to keep up, Part 2
Time:08:46 am
Current Mood:apatheticovercoming
Just so everyone knows, I haven't completed my blogging, just needed to sit down and do it. Whenever this symbol comes up after a topic [+], it means I've covered it.

What you'll find in this blog, could be in this order:
* CANADA [+]
* NELNET [+]
* GRAPES!!!! [yum!]
* ECETERA. . .
Okies, here we go. . .

I was having the hardest time finding a job that required just a degree in anything. It turns out that a degree works if you have experience with a particular field, say retail or clerical. Degrees up to a certain point do crap for your career, it's the Master's Degree they crave. A person with a high school diploma and three years with a certain company or such has more precedence over your B.S., lovely. Not that I'm saying I hold no respect for someone with that kind of knowledge. I respect anyone who can do the job better than myself because hey, when you've got it you've got it. I just wanted something a little more solid than temp work.

Not having a job is extremely stressful. I have been under my family's roof for a good while, but never with as much free time with my father. It's pretty nerve-inducing when the one person who doesn't understand your decided profession forgets that the work is a little harder when you're expected to get a fulltime job that doesn't put your degree to shame. It's hard to understand on either side of the story, but that's how it is. So I turned to temp work for a short while.

I began working at Nelnet with an eye for the positive. It was good pay, and I learned that it's important to know that if anyone can find you if you've missed a few payments because of location, Nelnet would be more than happy to track you down and start sending stuff to you again. There was something wonderous about seeing all of those people who were trying to default, knowing that there are people looking for me no matter where I am. The people were nice, I randomly found some geeks--no idea how, but I figured if I carried around HP7 with me I'd eventually attract attention. That, and the religiously scary didn't like me. [Quote: "Oh god, I've got godless heathen on me!" yes, I actually said that.] Working from 8-4:30 wasn't too bad, got a tad bit boring, but overall it was decent pay for what I was doing--which I can't share. -_-;;; I'm pretty much through with temp jobs, though.

After being hounded by my father--yes, I'm picking this moment to share it and know he sometimes reads my blog, but I became really discouraged and depressed when he wouldn't stop pushing the envelope and it pissed me off. . . well, After being hounded by my father about not having a "real job" for two to three months [see? I'm getting better at curbing my anger.] I decided to just begin ignoring anything he said about my occupation. I had a degree in writing and I'd wanted to write. That's all. He stopped bugging me about it when I didn't stop writing and had to yell at him just to get a page a day done. He wasn't sure what it was I wanted--he thought I was wasting my degree by writing, even though it was a Writing Degree. Duh. As I said, it took a little while for the message to sink in but I think it got through, now all he's doing is pushing for a job with benefits and steady pay. It's an improvement, but as soon as he reads this he might find something else to talk about. -_-;;

I decided to apply for a job at Verizon Wireless, and there was no doubt about my skills. I aced the phone interview, nearly aced the computer test, and hit one out of the park for the personal interview--I don't think I aced it that well, I talked about soy sauce at one point. . . What? It was on the table! :0 Then they took a few days to decide that I wasn't qualified enough. I got a stupid email from them, and it ticked me off. I think I did just fine, and I suppose they looked into my background and discovered that my dad was union. -_-;;; I can't tell if it was that or not, but it's a fairly good guess.

I fell into writer's block when I asked my friend for input and found out she didn't understand a thing I wrote. That was mostly my fault, I'd started her with a piece that was a scene for a bigger story. I figured the godless heathen part would keep her from being entirely open about the story and she'd not tell me anything about it. Yes, I do worry about the religious aspect of my writings. I'm over it but am still reading a series. If I stop, I'll never open the books again and I don't want that. I want to finish one more series before going back to writing. It's a great story, too, one that I'm looking forward to continuing once these last two books are done.

So, most of the people here know about my Psycho Aunt, right? Here's some thing fresh. She's not trying to piss anyone off! Yeah, ever since my grandmother told her and everyone off--that woman. . .^_^ --she's been extra careful. I heard she's even gone cold turkey from the booze, which is definitely a plus. Maybe she's afraid of dying alone, who knows? My family wasn't there, but Uncle Al and Aunt Gail [THE nicest uncle and aunt you could ever have] were, and Uncle Al wanted to sit with Grandma. Psycho Aunt was sitting there with her husband [blech] and nobody wanted the two of them to come face-to-face. After a little discomfort, Grandma finally says "That's enough! I'm going to sit here and talk to Al whether you like it or not. I talk to him every week and nobody is going to stop him from sitting with me today. You two are divorced, you both say you're happier, now GET OVER IT." I think that worked. Whoa. Grandma's back. ^_^. Psycho Aunt didn't show up for a pizza party and everyone had a good time--I was reading Bloody Bones by Laurell K.Hamilton at the time. Yummy.

To Be Continued, I have to remember why I wrote Family under my list. . .
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Current Music:American Princess???? Quoi?
Current Location:Futureland Rain Center, Ne
Subject:part 1 of what?
Time:09:50 am
Current Mood:blahI love rain but not my shampoo
I haven't even written about Quebec yet, still trying to find that ONE tiny piece of writing from the plane!! GRR!! It's going HERE after I find it! Grr, I can't even finish packing because of the lack of time.

Hey! It's going here after all, except that paper with the plane paper. I imagine that'll show up one day. . .

Since I have failed in finding the exact paper I ripped out of a notebook two months ago, I'll just post it when I find it. If I think it's too long, I'll post in parts, but lets see how it turns out. Hell, I might even piss a few people off if I'm that lucky.

What you'll find in this blog, could be in this order:
* CANADA [+]
* GRAPES!!!! [yum!]
* ECETERA. . .
Okies, here we go. . .

Graduation was probably one of the most invigorating moments I've ever witnessed. So many people were sleeping, and I was nearly one of them. Something about being stuck between that girl who believed the Stater's issue on gay rights wouldn't get read because there were no pictures and some other faceless person made me cringe a little. Honestly, where the hell is the dignity in real press? Ben Nelson scared me with his, "You're leaving your comfort zone so leave your happiness behind" speech, and I was elated when the stack at the podium stopped right when I stepped up to it [I was able to whisper how to say my name ^_^ and he got it right. Sorry, Books, or should I say Ashley Marie. *Secret Identity!!! :0 *] Anyways, got the folder, got the tassel, would get the paper soon. The fresh fruit at breakfast was yummy, my nephew screamed bloody murder right before that, and Books' dad tried to change my car tire in the pouring rain!! HOLY CRAP! Don't worry, the tire's okay now.

I didn't have that much time to think, considering everything. I had to hop on a plane the next morning for Québec. Aye-yae-yae. I didn't go to sleep, was up all night packing, and when I got to the airport at 3 for the 5a.m. flight, it ended up leaving at 8:30. Sonofa. . . When I finally got to Chicago, I took care of things and quickly moved to the next plane, where I waited for the guy who didn't speak very good English took 15 minutes to reroute our flight and I had a very interesting conversation with a nice Austrian guy.

I got to Toronto, found out my bags hadn't been sent from Chicago--that happens a lot apparently and you have to fill out tons of paperwork. -_- About halfway to Québec I had a panic attack because I was going to a place where they spoke a language I hardly knew. Shit. Once I got to Québec, I waited for my bags, found the place for the taxi, opted Against riding alone and found three people who were wanting to go into the taxi as well. They were my first friends there, Sophie, Shillaen, and [oh crap, I can't remember his name!]. Sophie and I were in Lacerte Hall, waaaaayyy on the other side of campus but closer than anyone else to the largest mall in Canada, so HA! Shillaen and *hmmmm* were in the tall one with the many, many rooms. Huge dorm with huge kitchen. Damn.

The Campus was lovely, though there was some 1960s communist-style architecture going on. It wasn't as pretty as Wayne, but really efficient. :) The first day we were tested for which class, and I ended up in Elementaire B.B. There were tons of classes that I wasn't aware of even to the last day. Half of the party-goers ^_^ were in my class, but I was definitely not one of them--had war in KoC, couldn't pry myself away. I lived off of bread products mostly like noodles, tiny rolls. . . fruit was good, and milk was essential, but since I opted for internet instead of a fridge I was limited to buying Nutrition 24--Ovaltine in disguise, with ten million nutrients the body needs. Want to know how I found out about it? Here:

Overheard random person: Man, I tried some of that milk in the machines, called Nutrition 24 or something, and it tasted terrible! That wasn't chocolate milk!!
Me: Ooh, Ovaltine! XD

French portion of the blog:
Je ne suis pas parfait en parle francais, je sais, mais j'essaye. Je suis arrivé à Québec le 6, mai 2007, aves ne baggage pas mais avec mes d'argent. Chance-y-moi!! Je suis l'étudiant à l'university laval et était en Élementaire B, Session B. Mes amis et moi etions sur le mem plancher chez Lacerte, ou nous avons noir de films. Je sais je volonté retourneé à Québec.

So I lived off very little, but I didn't have much caffeine. Class started at 8:30 every day, then Phonetiques was three times a week [MWF]. Marie-Andreé Herbert was so lovely and nice! OMG she has to be my favorite teacher of all time! She let us go at a comfortable pace and I did so well when class was going on. I could definitely talk about her for much longer, but I have to stop and bitch about Benoit, ^_^ the phonetiques teacher from hell, who had to transition from beginners to advanced classes, which explains his callous demeanor [I won't blame his Québecois attitude, either].

I managed to learn the word queue--french for "tail," like animals and stuff. I said it out loud and Soph with Cheryl started laughing at me. "You'll never need that word!" I assured her there were possibilities of using it, and they just laughed. Later they couldn't stop laughing because they actually used that same word to describe something. What an awesome victory! :D

Very intimidating, nice-looking, jerk who stared you down after you had to quickly memorize a phrase on the board and repeat it exactly as he said it. He looked like he was trying too hard to be friends with everyone, but not to worry! he had a cat. ?_? No idea. He made a girl gry during finals, and that was when I said 'good riddance' to him and just kinda disappeared from that. I'm going to check my grades now, heh. . . which I can't seem to remember how to figure out my damn NIP code or anything else for that matter--NO, I don't need help translating the site. :0

Anyways, the city = gorgeous! I fell in love with Vieux Québec, but I almost loved the regular city more, the one with the normal streets and restaurants and clubs. The one where no one likes your accent or isn't trying to sell you something. The bookstores were lovely, but I don't think I could live without my comics. There were no comic stores up there, gyahh. I think I ate out enough there, too. Poutine--not to be mistaken for poutang ^_^--is fries with turkey gravy and mozzeralla cheese clumps. eww. Everyone else was enjoying it, but my stomach couldn't stand it. bleh. Otherwise, the ketchup was sweeter, the pizza was yummy, and there weren't a lot of authentic French restaurants--my steak had GRAVY on it, eww. There was even McDonalds up there [get the poutine there, too! WITH Peas!] I saw Pirates of the Caribbean III there, too, had to use the Metro for the first time in my life, which was awesome!

I think I'll leave the rest to the next blog. I'm hungry and don't want to get into a lot of the other stuff yet. I'll try to put in some extra stuff, like how I painted a table and made chance cubes out of clay--turned out to be a bad idea in the end o.O;;;--and went to Cabane la Sucre [Sugar Shack, Maple cottage, etc. . . ] where I had food that was tainted with tons of maple syrup and ate chilled syrup. oye, the sugar. The eggs, too. The sausages. My first real beer, authentic Québec beer, which tasted not too bad, a little watered down. The souvenirs and walking--I should've lost tons of weight, the dancing and malls. . . We ate a group [girl's night, 9 of us] dinner on Sunday nights--all pitched in and did something special together. I'll have to go and ask for a reunion tour later on, I loved hanging out with them.
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Current Music:The Mask of Zorro
Current Location:Futureland BN, Ne
Subject:Predictions of HP
Time:04:30 pm
Current Mood:blankwho'd've thunk?
Okies, they're a little old, but I have a few thoughts on the new Harry Potter book. I'll try to make sense of everything that is put out onto this blog.

1. Harry is the heir of Gryffindor. What makes me believe this goes back to the history of Harry's family among one or two other things. His father's house is in Godric's Hollow, where he lived a rich life with no need to worry about financial burdens. James and Lily were in their twenties when they died, which doesn't give them a lot of time to build a financial profit. Another point is in the second book, when he was sitting with Dumbledore who said, "Only a True Gryffindor could've pulled that out of a hat." What could've been meant by that are two things--Harry was either a true red n gold lover or an actual descendant of Godric Gryffindor.

2. Petunia is a squib. Most of us were believing that she was just eccentric about her sister's talents--I still have a hard time believing they're related! This would mean that their parents were half/half somehow, and that witchcraft wasn't a strange thing for them. And when it was time for Petunia to get her letter from Hogwarts, she never got one and became extremely bitter and hateful. Add that to the possible lineage Harry has and you've got one messed-up brain.

I'll add more if anything else comes to me, these were just too awesome!!
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Current Music:something indistinguishable.
Current Location:Futureland Wendy's, NE
Subject:I can't figure out my silly image transfer system. . . -_-;;;
Time:09:16 am
Current Mood:just barely awake
Your Observation Skills Get A B

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)
And it takes something big to distract you!

What Your Soul Really Looks Like
[Inside the Room of Your Soul]

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort.
You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

You are Maryiln Monroe

A classic tortured beauty
You're the dream girl of many men
Yet they never seem to treat you right
What Famous Pinup Are You?
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Current Music:MY Effing MP3 player deleted EVERYTHING!!!!
Current Location:Futureland basement, NE
Subject:Sometimes I bang my head against the wall, just to see if it stuck.
Time:04:16 pm
Current Mood:confusedJe ne comprends pas.
You ever get extremely confused when someone does something but doesn't explain why he or she does it?

Me too.
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Current Music:POTC--pick one. :|
Current Location:outside the intellectual Province, not by choice.
Subject:Why is the Rum always gone?
Time:09:32 pm
Current Mood:crushedthink happy thoughts.
So I'm going through a depressing time right now, I miss my friends, I've only a week left, and there are no happy thoughts. I keep crying during POTC 3, that one scene near the end that's really sad, and nothing makes me feel better. I don't have that many uplifting series/movies here, so I'm kinda stuck on a dinghy with less than what I started out with.

I suppose I should get it all off my chest somehow, but I can't really share half the thoughts I want on my LJ or my other blogs--myspace, blogspot--too many people I don't want to see would see what I want to show a small handful of people. I feel comfortable in Wayne because I know people don't call me weird or strange to my face--that sometimes hurts because I know it and don't need to be reminded. I don't know if being "the weird one" is what I want, and time is moving too fast for me to change it. Have I really let anyone know who I am? I've been natural around so few people, acted oddly because I had friends at my house where I act differently. I see that as a problem because my family see a different side to me than my friends.

Something doused a fire beneath me and I can't seem to find a match. My brain is telling me to abandon ship and sleep it off, but sleep is hard to come by when my stupid brain won't shut up. There is so much wrong with this world and I'm here in Canada doing what I believe is very little good. If I keep getting depressed when I go away, how will I react if I actually move away one day?

I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I just need to take small steps for a little while--I've been thinking about the future a lot lately, and that's never good.
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Current Music:the static
Current Location:Futureland Metro, QC
Subject:talk to me.
Time:09:08 am
Current Mood:depressedI can't feel my toes.
Twas the night before graduation
and all through the dorm
not a creature was stirring
ne'er was even a storm

The decorations were down 
the walls were quite bare
because the tassels and black caps
soon would be there

. . . and that's as far as I got on That cheery poem. Too droll [drole is french for funny, sounds the same but isn't], the night before.

Onto new[er] things. In Quebec, they have this dish called "poutine." Lots of people are crazy for it here. To me it's just fries with beef gravy and mozzarella on top. Indigestion, don't try it just anywhere. I have been learning stuff like crazy, people talking French to me with no problem over the fact that I'm learning--they like that I try. . . and then tourist season began--now everyone is talking damn English. -_- Tourists. My mom and grandma are up here right now, demanding time--which is really nice, I like that part--and I might actually get over my jet lag finally. I've been sleeping really rough for the past few weeks.

I made a few friends here [a few?! stop being so subtle.], about 50 I know by face and name, and where they came from. Everyone's close, and I don't feel the outsider because I'm Nebraskan or American [only that first week], but because once I got comfortable I started doing the things I normally do when around friends: I sing and dance randomly, quote movies. I haven't laughed for three weeks, really laughed. So when my mom and grandma were listening to me talk about my phonetiques teacher [open mouth smile, sarcastic voice: "I don't have to speak in French. I know it already."] I started laughing so hard that my stomach hurt. I haven't been smiling that much either. I look forward to returning and hanging out with my family [that includes all of my friends]. These people are temporary, I'm afraid to get close to them. I stopped singing, laughing, quoting movies, and pointing out [only once!] that jedi was singular and plural. Nerd in French is Nerd. I was prepared to be teased because of my nationality, not of the quirks I'd come to love.

So I sat back and watched all the episodes of Firefly. and Serenity. I felt a little better.

The teacher is nice, I'm a little shy when people ask for certain things--my French gets muddled--and my teacher is very patient. I was able to form a full sentence yesterday without stuttering. Finally. It didn't LAST long, but I've spent the last week just listening to people instead of talking.

And to all those who read my blog, even on occasion, if I'm online, and you're online, and I really want to say hi, don't log out as soon as I say it. There has been more than one occasion where a friend complains about receiving tons of pointless data instead of conversation, and then ignores someone with something to say. That's called a hypocrite. Nothing made me feel more alone than not being able to talk to a friend.
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Current Music:something or another
Current Location:40k miles up from Futureland, Ne
Time:12:31 pm
Current Mood:intimidatedleaving.
Some people may be ready for the end of the semester, but I'm not ready to leave my friends behind. I'm scared that I'll never see them again and that we'll grow apart because of distance. I care too much for everyone in my life and here it feels like home more than any other place in the past few years. I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me angry that I have to move on so quickly. I've only been here for two years and I've made some of the best friends ever, the greatest who have been there for me through some difficult times. I don't have to let go but a part of me is saying it's inevitable. I don't want to spend these last two weeks bawling my eyes out because I could be spending time with my friends. The workload is so heavy right now and I can't seem to stop time for anything. The tears will go away sooner or later, I'm sure of it, and I don't have to lose my friends just because I'm going away. Letting it hurt is part of nature. Crying is strength?

I'll have something inspiring sooner or later.
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Current Music:Goldfrapp, "Strict Machine"
Current Location:Futureland Haunted House, Ne
Time:09:16 am
Current Mood:bouncybouncy
On to the actual WillyCon IX summary:

As the coordinator, my job was listed as "On Call", so when something needed to be done, I had to take care of it that second. When Kayla asked if I could be the overnight gaming host, I said sure and went along my way. I pulled an all-nighter for the Halo guys--so many of them were just wanting to play and I couldn't really deny them during the Con. Some guys stayed up for 44 hours this year, last year the record was 52. One douchebag got angry after losing and threw his controller against the wall--that was before my shift, the rest of the guys just put him on ignore mode and I kept my eye on him all night.

How could I not? Every five minutes he was sticking a fucking pencil in my fucking ear and shaking it around. After about the fiftieth time--I was REALLY tired and didn't want to deal with him--I cussed him out and sent him to the other end of the room. Then he started getting touchy-feely [damn teenagers] and I grabbed his forearm, then twisted it until he apologized profusely. I will not be handled by some braggart who can't keep his cool. He got his comeuppance, anyway. Last night at the Dead Dog Party [final get together for Con attendees] he told us about this horrible migraine he got that morning--vomit-inducing, pounding headache. Karma catches up to you.

After some kinks this weekend [the pancake mix search at 6:30a.m. on Saturday after about an hour of sleep, breakfast problems in general "where's the Pam?" "We ran out of Sausage" "umm, juice?"] and the Will fun, and the three panels I helped with [Conspiracy theories, Anime, Manga] going over very well [we made foil hats!! ^_^], I think this con went over very well!

I also played this game called Zombies, and won! Of course, I was running for the helepad and didn't kill a lot of zombies, but it's the beginner's luck that does count. ^_^
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Current Music:Super Smash Brothers Melee. Serious.
Current Location:Futureland, Ne
Subject:Something Witty
Time:02:37 pm
Current Mood:bouncyWILLYCON IX!!!!!
I was sitting in class, waiting for my cue to start my presentation on Havelock, Nebraska. It's easy enough, I'd lived within 20 miles of the place since I was born! 11a.m. rolls around, and I stand up with my non-practiced materials to give this simple, 15-20 minutes speech. I started almost on the dot and had no problem easing into the speech that I hadn't practiced. I finally finish with my speech, pretty sure I'd stopped at 9 or 10 minutes, 12 tops. . .

It was 11:24. My eyes pop out of my head and I say, "Have I really been talking that long?" The teacher smiles and says "yes."

"Oh. Okay, I'm done." I hop off the desk and ask for questions.

I wrote the paper four or five weeks ago, and hadn't looked at it until this morning right before. I had my newspaper articles, my books, and my paper up there, so I wasn't at a loss for information. I just didn't expect to go over!! I feel great after that.
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Current Music:X-Files
Current Location:Futureland Waterplant, Ne
Time:11:26 pm
Current Mood:calmcalm
I should really write something positive here. I told my mother that I was going to stay her for Easter. She wrote me an email about how my aunt and uncle will be home and attending dinner as well. Then she wrote "Yeah." as though it meant something to me. Sorry to say that it might not have the effect she thought it would. Hmm.

Yay, Chinese food on Saturday night!

I think I'll stop by home the weekend following WillyCon. It'll give me some more time to pack. One month left about, and damn it's kind of annoying. I like it here, really I do. I have a freedom in a confined space. My room is my home and I think it always will be in a way.

I can't stand some things here. Part of me wants to run and never come back, but other parts of me hold something familiar here that I can't ignore. Or maybe I don't want to go back to my family. Who knows? I said I'd move in near Jodie--that will be a blast, glad that part is putting a smile on my face. My mother is upset that I'm moving "so far away" but has no idea how far away I might actually go. This would be a good thing on her part. Hilarious.

The tape keeps coming loose on the bottom left corners of my posters. Flaw in the design?

Rearranged my room, looks pretty good. Finally saw Final Fantasy: Advent Children. Not bad, wouldn't mind knowing who those characters were at the end, but I'm sure someone could tell me.

Gyahh, you're doctors! Just stop the paranoia and disinfect the blonde bimbo before she kills someone!! *X-Files, Season One: Ice*
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Current Music:Some Kind of Wonderful ~Grand Funk Railroad.
Current Location:Futureland Computer Store, Ne
Time:01:06 pm
It's one of those weeks, I suppose, when the Sun shines so nicely and the wind blows chilly the next day. That one day of Sunlight makes me feel like Superman, with all the energy in the entire universe. I shouldn't be spinning around in circles, though, time won't move backwards. ^_^ I love the smells and sounds of Spring. The smells will affect my sinuses a little before the week is done, but I'm lucky they aren't as severe as others. I lucked out in a lot of ways.

The music seems to even change for Spring. I haven't seen the sunlight in a few days and it just refreshed me. I looked up at the trees too. I can't wait for the leaves to grow back and the flowers to blossom. I've already had the urge to go camping this year already but know I probably won't go camping for a long while. Those trips are a bitch to plan. ^_^ But the fun that follows is worth it!
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